And all my dreams certainly came true....

I received just what the doctor ordered. Wow, what an incredible getaway! The possibility of enjoying this vacation to the max came from feeling for the first time since surgery & chemo started, like myself again. My usual energy was back, (albeit still not %100), but enough to be inspired throughout the day to enjoy the beauty of the fresh mountain air, and push myself to my limits... All I could worry about was where I was going to place my feet next, in order to make the right turn without dying, LOL! (From skiing that is...). I traversed precipices/ridges to get to chutes full of fresh, un-skied powder, it was incredibly uplifting! My heart was pumping, the adrenaline was flowing freely, and I did it, lots of it! Of course by having a local show me the ropes and where to go was a big help, and allowed me to let go of any insecurities I had about the difficulty of the terrain. He was very encouraging, telling me that I have the abilities to ski any part of the mountain, (we're talking Kicking Horse, not easy terrain when you consider the possibilities). So it was, double black diamonds...skiing down a face of a mountain into the bowl awaiting below! So incredible. On a couple of occasions I had the privilege to return to the chalet, and have a masseuse awaiting for a 1 hr. massage, and she was purely divine! We had some awesome cuisine, all spent with some fantastic friends! The kids did great skiing and their skills and abilities are advancing very quickly. We even had to buy them both ski poles this trip, which they surprisingly are doing fantastic with! Kendra was soooo excited, she loves her new poles! It is very cute to see them manage their way down the slopes, helping each other, giggling, singing...Truly a fabulous way to spend a holiday. Thanks Tara, Joe, Glen, and need I of course mention Barry, for making it a most memorable one!

So...back to reality on Monday! It's crazy how quickly reality sets in, and I'm right back to the life drama of being a patient. I had bloodwork on Tues., and everything is normal. Unfortunately I missed a follow up with Dr. H. yesterday, sure hope to be able to reschedule that. Had my gym friends take me out for the second round of chemo cocktails pre-chemo, which has been such a great way to face what is up and coming. Which brings me to today. CHEMO...

I've been quite anxious this week, a few anxiety attacks in reality, some related to chemo, some not so much...I'm really hoping that goes away after today. I will be getting a new chemo today, Docetaxel, which carries all the same side effects as the ones I was taking before, but with the added risk of losing my nails...They will provide me cold packed gloves to try to circumvent this side effect. I plan to bring a bag of frozen peas and large socks to treat my toes as well since they don't provide that. I'm not sure how long this treatment will be, but I have known women who have had an allergic reaction, which is not nice. In this circumstance they stop the chemo, while you receive benadryl, then they resume it again, which could extend the "visit" to much longer. Cross my fingers this does not turn out to be me. Although I'm half way, I really feel like I'm starting chemo all over again, from the beginning. Maybe because of the unknown that's attached to starting a new chemo, maybe because it's going to be administered peripherally now with my port gone....I think I'm more nervous & anxious that I was at the beginning. It could be too that I have fewer supports out there these days? Just another factor I'm currently dealing with.

For those of you who want to still help, I do still need you. You've all so tremendously played a role in helping me get to this point, and I still have a long road ahead. Your love and attention is more important than ever! I'm not quite sure how I will react to the next 3 treatments, with luck, not any different from the first 3. But what I found really helpful during the last 3+ mths. was the love and support I have been at the receiving end of. Even if I'm not completely physically knocked down and out, there is a huge emotional side to the cancer that I'm dealing with, and for me, my friends are those who make sense of it all for me, and help me to remain a fighter. I was down early this week, but thanks to some wonderful friends, they have managed to pick me right back up, allowing me to once again see the fighter within me.

I love you all, and am blessed to have you read my blog, and provide your continuing encouragement.

To my angels, thank you from the bottom of my heart, with lots of love!
Jill xo