I Am Humbled

What a fantastic end to the week with the sun finally shining and the temperatures rising!  Spring is here, a time of renewed hope, faith and growth.  Felicitous to my current circumstance.  Even my eyelashes have blossomed again, and have begun to suddenly grow like weeds, so excited!  My last treatment was on Wednesday, my friend Brooke accompanied me (and made a fabulous dinner for the fam! thank you Brooke!!!), and Nancy joined us for lunch also in celebration of her birthday.  The week continued with my Impact Fitness friends helping me celebrate the end of radiation on Thursday night (I love you guys!!!), and some friends also came by the house on Friday night.  Another part of my journey now behind me.

Upon completion of my radiation, I was informed that the effects related to the skin will continue to worsen for up to 2 weeks afterwards, and this unfortunately has proved to be true thus far.  My skin has since broken down in 3 separate areas, and is a bit uncomfortable.  I was given special bandages to help reduce any further chaffing, which has also provided me with more comfort.  Fatigue is the only other effect that I am particularly concerned with now, combined with the fact that I have Kendra to keep busy in the absence of Kiah.  Kiah's last day ironically coincided with the end of my treatments.  What fantastic help she was to all of us during the last 6 months, she will be missed!

I'm reading that the tiredness and fatigue will continue while my body heals.  That my energy levels will return with time, usually within 8-12 weeks after my last day of treatment.  To make this more pronounced, my estrogen levels have dropped because of the medicine induced menopause I've experienced, and when I begin Tamoxifen here shortly, I will continue to have memory problems...ugh.  So you can't blame it on being blonde any longer!!!  Having said that, it will be a while until I'm blonde again, I need to grow some hair first, (insert laugh here)!  I was sent home from my final treatment with a reasonably sized booklet to read titled: "Getting Back on Track, Life After Treatment", which I've been making my way through.  Lots of things to consider.  I do feel that I haven't followed the normal trend for treatment related side effects, and have faired extremely well considering, so I do expect that it won't take me long at all to have my energy returned to me.

I was hoping to still have someone help me for another month while I get back on track, and get my life organized once more.  I have completely ignored so many things since the start of chemo that I'm realizing now need some serious attention.  I really was in a 'chemo fog' which led to many household tasks going unnoticed.  While I really believe I could use the help since I'm still recovering, there is a part of me that has truly not looked very hard for another nanny since I believe that nothing will help me more than getting right back into the swing of things, and taking charge of my life once more.  While I recognize that I may not have my full on energy for little Miss Kendra, I very much miss spending time with her, and she is so excited that I will be picking her up at school once more.  I only hope that I have enough energy to keep up to her, and do not fall too short.  I will focus my time and energy on the kids now, and let the rest of everything that needs to be done, wait a little longer. (Hmmm, maybe that will mean fall time now?).

I am still scheduled for hercepton every 3 weeks (next one on Tuesday), and the occasional scan, (MRI, mammogram and muga), bloodwork, and Dr. follow-ups during the next month and will need to find help with the kids during those times.

The great news is...the toughest, most difficult parts of my journey are finally behind me.  Phew... it was a long haul indeed.  

I will continue to blog for a while still as my 1 year anniversary of my diagnosis fast approaches, and I continue with scans and hercepton.  I'm not sure yet what I will be feeling as I have more time to reflect on the last year, and what the future holds with respect to the emotions related to concerns about reoccurrence etc. - when I finally have a moment to let the words my Dr. spoke sink in, "The only way you know for certain that the cancer has not returned is when you die from something else".  

Thank you to all of you who have sent me such heartfelt, touching messages along the way with respect to my blog to let me know that I have been inspiring, and have touched you in some way.  That I have made you rethink how you approach life.  I had no idea that I had as many followers as I have, and that you actually look forward to what I have to say.  I am truly humbled.  It was so often your words to me that have offered me encouragement, and kept me blogging in my own darkest moments, in the face of adversity.  I thank you for that.

Love, Jill xo